"Mercy Said No" by Cece Winan



I am Ron a person actively in recovery from severe depression, attempted suicide and substance use disorders. IV meth was my drug of choice and one night someone decided to swap out my meth and shot me up with heroin which nearly took my life.

I was on my way home at 3:30am when I felt death all over me and called my wife to tell her, "I am not coming home. I love you and this has not been about you. Tell the kids I love them and daddy is not coming home." I dropped the phone started losing my vision while driving. Therefore, I pulled off the nearest exit into the nearest gas station. I weighed 130 lbs. and thought to myself, "if I just get a gatorade and a bite to eat I will be okay..." So I went into gas station and got my gatorade and a three musketeer and as a I approached the cashier she asked "Oh my God, DO YOU NEED A SQUAD?" As soon as I replied, "yes" I passed out and woke up to the EMT... which I refused to go to the hospital. I got in my car with tears pouring out of my eyes crying out, "God I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I am sick and I need your help! HELP ME!" and then I began to say the sinner's prayer... God, please forgive for all the nasty things I have done... come into my heart as I believe that you died on a cross for me and gave us power over death through your resurrection and confess that you are Lord over my life. . There was no bible in my car- nothing... a scripture came to me from God's word in Exodus Chapter 17 that allowed me to realize that even Moses became tired while the Israelites were in battle against the Amalakites... as long as Moses' had his arms lifted to God - the Israelites would gain ground... when his arms would come down... the enemy gained grown.. Moses' brother Aaron and Hur saw what was happening so Aaron and Hur sat Moses down an on rock with Aaron on one side and Hur on the other as the both of them held up Moses' arms until the Israelites won the battle.

Then went home to pursue my recovery which eventually lead to admitting myself into Miami Valley Hospital where I was diagnosed with full blown AIDS and Hepatitis C. The chronic illnesses played a huge struggle in my recovery and on April 23, 2013- I was done fighting and did not want to die from a needle so I overdosed on a bottle of antidepressants. I was in a coma for 13 days. the doctors told my family to plan a funeral... vitals are dropping, kidneys, liver failing... the doctors gave my wife seven days to pull the plug and she refused. There are no medical explanations as to why I survived this overdose yet I can truly say there was a miracle that happened the day God brought me out from death ( I died three times- had to be revived)

All drugs kill, steal and destroy! We may not die from an overdose... we may end up with a chronic/terminal illness, paralyzed and/or a vegetative state. We may end up in jail or an institution. Please do not judge us with this disease of addiction - this truly is a disease! May we unite together to be a voice for the many lives lost and those struggling today!

No matter what battle you are facing such as; cancer, depression, trauma, addiction, etc... God promised in His word that HE will never leave you in Deuteronomy 31:6. You cannot fight the battles alone! We need each other to win the fight. We must encourage one another... building each other up.... rather than tearing each other down. Who are we to judge?

Furthermore, we must expose the darkness inside of us... bringing that darkness into the light so it cannot have any power over us! Break the silence and form an alliance against depression, suicide, and the disease of addiction! Become a survivor rather than a statistic!

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

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